Oh, dear. Just typing the title of this entry has my mind spinning in one hundred different directions. This has been one of those weeks where every minute has been scheduled, but very few minutes have been planned. It was one of those weeks where my job was to take care of everyone else - to ensure their comfort and their flow. I truly love this part of my job, but it definitely has an effect on me. In any given month, we may have a handful of days that are chock full of events and people. This week, every day was bursting at the seams. It was exciting and energizing. I, however, was not...
Over the last couple years, I have noticed that there are certain times when it is more difficult to make the choice to take care of myself. More often than not, I do not make myself a priority when I am tired - mentally, physically, and/or emotionally. If I am socially exhausted, too (since I am an introvert), this becomes even more complicated. I could offer several different excuses, but it comes down to falling back into old habits. Why does this continue to happen? Why do these days pass, and then I think about the plans that I could have made that would have given me the edge I needed to get through the days?
I think the biggest difference for me is whether I am present in the task at hand. Let me explain: I am always physically present wherever I am. But I have to choose to be mentally present - not thinking ahead, not remembering a past moment. Likewise, I have to choose to be emotionally and spiritually present - recognizing any/all feelings as they come (even the difficult or mundane ones), acknowledging that these feelings are valid, allowing myself to feel the emotions. Presence is so much more than physical, and it seems to take more time than I have. Ironically, I have to plan ahead to make certain choices, so that when I am faced with last-minute habit-breaking/forming challenges, I can recognize the choice I want to make, instead of breezing through and not allowing myself the opportunity to take care of myself.
When I am tired, I often ignore the choices I have to make that would allow me to take care of myself and seem to go with whatever is there...I am reminded of my mom, dad, nana, etc. saying to me that the easiest choice is not always the right choice.
Perhaps my favorite TED Talk to date is this short clip by Matt Cutts. I chuckled at his becoming a novelist in 30 days, but I am convicted by the power of time. I was moved by his discussion of how time seemed to slow when he was living his life with purpose. I want to feel that power and purpose in my life.
Maybe I don't hate making choices when I'm tired...maybe I hate that I don't make choices when I'm tired...
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