There are certain words that automatically bring me back to high school English classes. "Rumination" is one of them. I literally remember having the discussion about a cow chewing his/her cud. "Morass" is another, because what word can make a high school-er giggle than a word that contains a swear word and means swamp?
As I sit down today, I have been processing certain specific words and their meaning in my life. My words lately seem to revolve around being present and thoughtful. I am constantly hearing and using the word choice...but never when I need to make a choice. I like to contemplate being purposeful, intentional in my actions...when I'm not actually doing anything.
So how do words and thoughts become actions and happenings? This is the dilemma that has been plaguing me for the past couple weeks. Not only do I have high hopes of making change in my life, but I have high expectations as to when these should be accomplished.
And then I do something. Some would call it making a choice, but I am struggling with that label, as there is often no conscious thought backing it up. Or rather I should say, there is no purposeful thought behind it...because I can feel myself thinking at the time. And I can feel myself thinking during the action. Afterwards, however, I look at that and ask myself why I never stopped or changed course or did something!
I so want to be purposeful and present in everything I do, but I allow habits and mindlessness to rule my behavior. I want to do more than talk about this and acknowledge this: I want to change. Do you hear me, self? I want to change! I need to change! I desire the results, and I'm willing to put in the work, too. But I need to know when to work and how to work. I need more than myself, and I don't know where that more comes from. There are obvious answers to that - with the main one being God. And I do believe that God helps us - please don't doubt me on this...but I also know God gives us free will...meaning choices...and we need to come to Him...meaning awareness. This is my struggle: Awareness of choice.
Words have power. Does action have greater power?
No comments:
Post a Comment