"Love is all you need..." ~ The Beatles
"Might as well face it, you're addicted to love..." ~ Robert Palmer
Love songs are pouring through my mind right now...There are so many love songs that speak of joy, hurt, experiences, and more. I remember sitting around with my friends in junior high playing songs on repeat (Oh, the joy of CDs!) and talking about boys. I remember singing songs in the car in high school with my friends, imagining what my first great love was going to be like.
Love has been on my mind recently...not because I'm in love or because I'm not in love, for that matter. Honestly, I've been questioning how much I truly love myself, and whether I would equate that - or even compare that - to how much I love others. I've spoken pretty openly about how important it is to take care of yourself, and over the past couple months, I have been struggling to do just that. So in my non-stop pursuit of becoming healthier, I have run right into the wall of love. Continuing this metaphor, I have run up and down the wall, trying to find a way to go around it. I have looked to see if I could climb the wall, thus bypassing the topic as well. It seems as though what is behind the wall of love is protected, and I must figure out how to open the door. So I am trying to figure out if all this effort is worth it.
Have you been here? Have you come up to a roadblock and had to determine if it was worth your efforts to push through the pain, the learning, the experience to get beyond? What do you do if you're not sure what exactly there is on the other side???
So, all these questions are rolling through my brain as I try to figure out how to first, find the door. Then, when I do stumble upon a camouflaged door, I have to figure out how to open it, for I don't have a key...in fact, there is no keyhole. So how do I get in? How do I get through this? How do I get through this?
And that is the desperate question that has finally given me some hope. Because I have finally been honest in my search. I am not trying to ignore the wall. I am not trying to bypass this part of my life. I am truly looking for the answer.
Showing posts with label Hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hope. Show all posts
Friday, March 9, 2012
Friday, December 9, 2011
A New Generation of Bad Words
I had to laugh in church last Sunday. The phrase "shut up" was used twice - once during the sermon and once during the children's Christmas program, with the second also involving the phrase "I hate you!" As I looked around the church service, there were kids with eyes open wide as our pastor said words that their moms and dads would not let them say. I've also had to start working on my use of the phrase "Oh my gosh." Now, I have really worked on this over the years to replace "God" with gosh...only to be told over a trip this fall that I am not to use this phrase in front of my niece; instead, I need to say "Oh my goodness." It has me thinking of words that are considered bad...
I think there is a time and a place for the use of most words. I also think words have become tools or weapons in our society, especially expletives. I am of the opinion that too many words are spoken without being considered beforehand. The words that have been on my mind lately are not swear words, although I think they are worse in context.
These may be the three of the worst words I know, and I think they play a large role in the identity of young women.
Should
We spend a lot of time "should-ing" on ourselves. And the results are just as dirty as they sound: living in the past, living underneath the responsibility of someone else, living with regret. When the word should enters our lives, we cease to live in the present moment: We talk about what decisions we should have made. We talk about the choices we should make. We spend our time focusing on putting ourselves down for choices we can not change. We spend our time purposefully making ourselves feel like failures. We deny ourselves the opportunity to be responsible individuals by judging ourselves by our behavior and by what others deem acceptable. Should has become not just a word, but a way of life - an emotionally-charged way to view oneself.
Shame
Likewise, shame is a word that captures more emotional baggage than most others. When I think of the word "shame", I'm struck by the vision of someone sliding their index finger across a pointed index finger while saying the words "Shame on you." I instinctively feel 2-feet tall and weak.. Shame is a set of luggage that a person carries with them. And like current airline policies, there is a hefty price to pay when it comes to shameful baggage. Why do we use this word? Why do we embrace this feeling? Despite having lived a large portion of my life feeling like I was blanketed in shame, I don't have the answers to those questions. What I do know is that learning to like who I am and the choices I am making has changed my life. Getting rid of the should allowed me to get rid of the shame.
Fear
Getting rid of the fear came next. Fear is not always a bad word. In fact, having some fear can help you to make good choices. But fear within the context of identity can lead to a true crisis. Does fear in your life keep you from moving forward? Does fear keep you from letting go of your past? Does fear keep you from discovering who you were meant to be? I was afraid for a very long time: afraid to make mistakes, afraid of letting someone down, afraid to be who I really was. Being ruled by fear is tiring and defeating. Breaking free can be scary (so different from fear!) - but it is well worth the rewards.
It is important to identify the bad words in our lives, so that we can acknowledge their role and let them go. Finding your identity - truly seeing yourself in the better mirror - does not mean ignoring what has happened. Instead, it involves making a choice for something different - for you. How long has it been since you made a choice based on what YOU thought was best for you?
I watched an awesome TED talk by Brene Brown, and she made a brilliant point: "I know that vulnerability is kind of the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it is also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love..." This should give us all hope - because when we let go of the bad, there is always something good we can grab onto.
2 Timothy 1:7 - For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
I think there is a time and a place for the use of most words. I also think words have become tools or weapons in our society, especially expletives. I am of the opinion that too many words are spoken without being considered beforehand. The words that have been on my mind lately are not swear words, although I think they are worse in context.
Should. Shame. Fear.
These may be the three of the worst words I know, and I think they play a large role in the identity of young women.
Should
We spend a lot of time "should-ing" on ourselves. And the results are just as dirty as they sound: living in the past, living underneath the responsibility of someone else, living with regret. When the word should enters our lives, we cease to live in the present moment: We talk about what decisions we should have made. We talk about the choices we should make. We spend our time focusing on putting ourselves down for choices we can not change. We spend our time purposefully making ourselves feel like failures. We deny ourselves the opportunity to be responsible individuals by judging ourselves by our behavior and by what others deem acceptable. Should has become not just a word, but a way of life - an emotionally-charged way to view oneself.
Shame
Likewise, shame is a word that captures more emotional baggage than most others. When I think of the word "shame", I'm struck by the vision of someone sliding their index finger across a pointed index finger while saying the words "Shame on you." I instinctively feel 2-feet tall and weak.. Shame is a set of luggage that a person carries with them. And like current airline policies, there is a hefty price to pay when it comes to shameful baggage. Why do we use this word? Why do we embrace this feeling? Despite having lived a large portion of my life feeling like I was blanketed in shame, I don't have the answers to those questions. What I do know is that learning to like who I am and the choices I am making has changed my life. Getting rid of the should allowed me to get rid of the shame.
Fear
Getting rid of the fear came next. Fear is not always a bad word. In fact, having some fear can help you to make good choices. But fear within the context of identity can lead to a true crisis. Does fear in your life keep you from moving forward? Does fear keep you from letting go of your past? Does fear keep you from discovering who you were meant to be? I was afraid for a very long time: afraid to make mistakes, afraid of letting someone down, afraid to be who I really was. Being ruled by fear is tiring and defeating. Breaking free can be scary (so different from fear!) - but it is well worth the rewards.
It is important to identify the bad words in our lives, so that we can acknowledge their role and let them go. Finding your identity - truly seeing yourself in the better mirror - does not mean ignoring what has happened. Instead, it involves making a choice for something different - for you. How long has it been since you made a choice based on what YOU thought was best for you?
I watched an awesome TED talk by Brene Brown, and she made a brilliant point: "I know that vulnerability is kind of the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it is also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love..." This should give us all hope - because when we let go of the bad, there is always something good we can grab onto.
2 Timothy 1:7 - For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
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