I think there is a time and a place for the use of most words. I also think words have become tools or weapons in our society, especially expletives. I am of the opinion that too many words are spoken without being considered beforehand. The words that have been on my mind lately are not swear words, although I think they are worse in context.
Should. Shame. Fear.
These may be the three of the worst words I know, and I think they play a large role in the identity of young women.
Should
We spend a lot of time "should-ing" on ourselves. And the results are just as dirty as they sound: living in the past, living underneath the responsibility of someone else, living with regret. When the word should enters our lives, we cease to live in the present moment: We talk about what decisions we should have made. We talk about the choices we should make. We spend our time focusing on putting ourselves down for choices we can not change. We spend our time purposefully making ourselves feel like failures. We deny ourselves the opportunity to be responsible individuals by judging ourselves by our behavior and by what others deem acceptable. Should has become not just a word, but a way of life - an emotionally-charged way to view oneself.
Shame
Likewise, shame is a word that captures more emotional baggage than most others. When I think of the word "shame", I'm struck by the vision of someone sliding their index finger across a pointed index finger while saying the words "Shame on you." I instinctively feel 2-feet tall and weak.. Shame is a set of luggage that a person carries with them. And like current airline policies, there is a hefty price to pay when it comes to shameful baggage. Why do we use this word? Why do we embrace this feeling? Despite having lived a large portion of my life feeling like I was blanketed in shame, I don't have the answers to those questions. What I do know is that learning to like who I am and the choices I am making has changed my life. Getting rid of the should allowed me to get rid of the shame.
Fear
Getting rid of the fear came next. Fear is not always a bad word. In fact, having some fear can help you to make good choices. But fear within the context of identity can lead to a true crisis. Does fear in your life keep you from moving forward? Does fear keep you from letting go of your past? Does fear keep you from discovering who you were meant to be? I was afraid for a very long time: afraid to make mistakes, afraid of letting someone down, afraid to be who I really was. Being ruled by fear is tiring and defeating. Breaking free can be scary (so different from fear!) - but it is well worth the rewards.
It is important to identify the bad words in our lives, so that we can acknowledge their role and let them go. Finding your identity - truly seeing yourself in the better mirror - does not mean ignoring what has happened. Instead, it involves making a choice for something different - for you. How long has it been since you made a choice based on what YOU thought was best for you?
I watched an awesome TED talk by Brene Brown, and she made a brilliant point: "I know that vulnerability is kind of the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it is also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love..." This should give us all hope - because when we let go of the bad, there is always something good we can grab onto.
2 Timothy 1:7 - For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
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