There is a brilliant snowstorm going on outside my window right now. I am reminded of seeing people try to walk in storms, trying to bundle themselves in...it almost looks like they are trying to collapse in on themselves.
I have felt this before. The need to hunch over, to pull everything in tight, to hold on for dear life. There is something about becoming smaller that makes me feel safe, but this is just a figment of my imagination. Safety does not come from size. Safety is not determined by posture or position. Safety is an attitude...it's preparation...it's honesty.
I watched a remarkable TED Talk today by Sarah Kay about spoken poetry. Being the math person I am, I keyed in on a specific equation she shared:
ABILITY + COURAGE = REWARDS
She talked about how she is trying to walk through life with open hands, ready and willing to experience life. Some people would say this isn't safe...but she didn't say she wasn't aware of her surroundings, or that she wasn't prepared to take care of herself if necessary. Her safety comes from being confident in her ability and knowledge of herself. The juxtaposition of courage with the idea of safety is what makes the rewards so remarkable. Big rewards come from big opportunities. (One of my favorite scenes from the movie Miracle.)
Sarah outlines three statements you need to say when approaching your life. They are so universal and applicable that we all need to be reminded of them:
1. "I can."
2. "I will."
3. These steps never end...I need to grow, explore, take risks and challenge myself.
Sarah ended her TED talk by saying, "I'm trying my hardest to get it right this time around."
Is your life spent in the moment, trying to do life right? Are you planning on success or are you accepting failure? What is your attitude - Can you? Will you?
I have changed the way I pray in a lot of different ways. One of the most impacting has been to not close/clasp my hands. I try to keep my hands open, and have even begun opening my arms as well. I want to be open, to be able to embrace what life and God has for me.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
I Hate Making Choices When I'm Tired
Oh, dear. Just typing the title of this entry has my mind spinning in one hundred different directions. This has been one of those weeks where every minute has been scheduled, but very few minutes have been planned. It was one of those weeks where my job was to take care of everyone else - to ensure their comfort and their flow. I truly love this part of my job, but it definitely has an effect on me. In any given month, we may have a handful of days that are chock full of events and people. This week, every day was bursting at the seams. It was exciting and energizing. I, however, was not...
Over the last couple years, I have noticed that there are certain times when it is more difficult to make the choice to take care of myself. More often than not, I do not make myself a priority when I am tired - mentally, physically, and/or emotionally. If I am socially exhausted, too (since I am an introvert), this becomes even more complicated. I could offer several different excuses, but it comes down to falling back into old habits. Why does this continue to happen? Why do these days pass, and then I think about the plans that I could have made that would have given me the edge I needed to get through the days?
I think the biggest difference for me is whether I am present in the task at hand. Let me explain: I am always physically present wherever I am. But I have to choose to be mentally present - not thinking ahead, not remembering a past moment. Likewise, I have to choose to be emotionally and spiritually present - recognizing any/all feelings as they come (even the difficult or mundane ones), acknowledging that these feelings are valid, allowing myself to feel the emotions. Presence is so much more than physical, and it seems to take more time than I have. Ironically, I have to plan ahead to make certain choices, so that when I am faced with last-minute habit-breaking/forming challenges, I can recognize the choice I want to make, instead of breezing through and not allowing myself the opportunity to take care of myself.
When I am tired, I often ignore the choices I have to make that would allow me to take care of myself and seem to go with whatever is there...I am reminded of my mom, dad, nana, etc. saying to me that the easiest choice is not always the right choice.
Perhaps my favorite TED Talk to date is this short clip by Matt Cutts. I chuckled at his becoming a novelist in 30 days, but I am convicted by the power of time. I was moved by his discussion of how time seemed to slow when he was living his life with purpose. I want to feel that power and purpose in my life.
Maybe I don't hate making choices when I'm tired...maybe I hate that I don't make choices when I'm tired...
Over the last couple years, I have noticed that there are certain times when it is more difficult to make the choice to take care of myself. More often than not, I do not make myself a priority when I am tired - mentally, physically, and/or emotionally. If I am socially exhausted, too (since I am an introvert), this becomes even more complicated. I could offer several different excuses, but it comes down to falling back into old habits. Why does this continue to happen? Why do these days pass, and then I think about the plans that I could have made that would have given me the edge I needed to get through the days?
I think the biggest difference for me is whether I am present in the task at hand. Let me explain: I am always physically present wherever I am. But I have to choose to be mentally present - not thinking ahead, not remembering a past moment. Likewise, I have to choose to be emotionally and spiritually present - recognizing any/all feelings as they come (even the difficult or mundane ones), acknowledging that these feelings are valid, allowing myself to feel the emotions. Presence is so much more than physical, and it seems to take more time than I have. Ironically, I have to plan ahead to make certain choices, so that when I am faced with last-minute habit-breaking/forming challenges, I can recognize the choice I want to make, instead of breezing through and not allowing myself the opportunity to take care of myself.
When I am tired, I often ignore the choices I have to make that would allow me to take care of myself and seem to go with whatever is there...I am reminded of my mom, dad, nana, etc. saying to me that the easiest choice is not always the right choice.
Perhaps my favorite TED Talk to date is this short clip by Matt Cutts. I chuckled at his becoming a novelist in 30 days, but I am convicted by the power of time. I was moved by his discussion of how time seemed to slow when he was living his life with purpose. I want to feel that power and purpose in my life.
Maybe I don't hate making choices when I'm tired...maybe I hate that I don't make choices when I'm tired...
Friday, February 3, 2012
My Life...The Junk Drawer
I was talking with one of my co-workers last week, and I made the comment that my life feels like a junk drawer...You know that drawer - the one that has odds and ends thrown into it, that never has an organizational scheme, the one that has hidden treasures or forgotten items...That is how my life has been feeling.
So I have spent some time thinking about it and why it feels that way; one of the first thoughts I had was that I wish life had a Container Store that had boxes and baskets of every size, shape, and color to organize everything that's going on. (On a side note, I remember my first trip into the Container Store...my friend and I bought these tiny blue boxes that could only hold 3 M&Ms. Fabulous!) Anyways, the need to organize my life sent me on a different path...What do I need in my life?
What do I need in my life?
In response to this question, I truly began sifting through my thoughts - both the "junk" thoughts and the "not-so-junk" thoughts. Then I began looking at my life: What was causing this rift between thoughts? How was I breaking them down into categories? What was affecting how I was processing life and its events? Needless to say, I felt like I was digging furiously through the draw in search of a key.
The result says more about who I am than I could ever have imagined.
For the last month, there have been several events that have caused me to wonder where I would be living after this summer - in terms of both the address and the city location...Now this is not something I take lightly. I am a homebody at heart and would spend the majority of my time at home, if I could. It is a safe place for me to explore and rest and regenerate for time outside my home. I need a door that closes that makes me feel safe - not only physically, but especially emotionally. Worrying about where I was going to live has occupied a large amount of my time since the turn of the calendar to 2012. After this weekend, I was able to establish some clarity in my living situation for the rest of the year. Immediately, an emotional burden was lifted, and I felt safe. I felt hope. I felt peace.
In answer to the question of what I need in life...I need home. I need safety. I need a place for me. This helps me feel whole; I am able to take care of myself when I feel I have a home. (I bet you can guess that January was not my best month for taking care of myself...) I am not sure why this is so important to me, although being an introvert has to play a huge part...But it makes me think of the instructions you are given on airlines: Put your oxygen mask on before helping others who may need assistance. For years and years, I fought these instructions. I couldn't see the value in taking care of myself first. Now that I have started embracing this practice, I can say with confidence that I am a better friend, daughter, co-worker, and person in general.
What do you need from life? What will help you to put on your oxygen mask first, so that you can assist others later? What will help you to realize your value and potential? Start with one thing...for me it's home...and use that one thing to build your safety and to allow for you to explore and embrace your identity. Because you are worth it...and we all have a safe place.
So I have spent some time thinking about it and why it feels that way; one of the first thoughts I had was that I wish life had a Container Store that had boxes and baskets of every size, shape, and color to organize everything that's going on. (On a side note, I remember my first trip into the Container Store...my friend and I bought these tiny blue boxes that could only hold 3 M&Ms. Fabulous!) Anyways, the need to organize my life sent me on a different path...What do I need in my life?
What do I need in my life?
In response to this question, I truly began sifting through my thoughts - both the "junk" thoughts and the "not-so-junk" thoughts. Then I began looking at my life: What was causing this rift between thoughts? How was I breaking them down into categories? What was affecting how I was processing life and its events? Needless to say, I felt like I was digging furiously through the draw in search of a key.
The result says more about who I am than I could ever have imagined.
For the last month, there have been several events that have caused me to wonder where I would be living after this summer - in terms of both the address and the city location...Now this is not something I take lightly. I am a homebody at heart and would spend the majority of my time at home, if I could. It is a safe place for me to explore and rest and regenerate for time outside my home. I need a door that closes that makes me feel safe - not only physically, but especially emotionally. Worrying about where I was going to live has occupied a large amount of my time since the turn of the calendar to 2012. After this weekend, I was able to establish some clarity in my living situation for the rest of the year. Immediately, an emotional burden was lifted, and I felt safe. I felt hope. I felt peace.
In answer to the question of what I need in life...I need home. I need safety. I need a place for me. This helps me feel whole; I am able to take care of myself when I feel I have a home. (I bet you can guess that January was not my best month for taking care of myself...) I am not sure why this is so important to me, although being an introvert has to play a huge part...But it makes me think of the instructions you are given on airlines: Put your oxygen mask on before helping others who may need assistance. For years and years, I fought these instructions. I couldn't see the value in taking care of myself first. Now that I have started embracing this practice, I can say with confidence that I am a better friend, daughter, co-worker, and person in general.
What do you need from life? What will help you to put on your oxygen mask first, so that you can assist others later? What will help you to realize your value and potential? Start with one thing...for me it's home...and use that one thing to build your safety and to allow for you to explore and embrace your identity. Because you are worth it...and we all have a safe place.
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