Being Thankful

If my life were a weather pattern, this would be one of those windy, cold, rainy weeks.  (I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here...for me, it would actually be hot instead of cold.)  Driving would be crazy, as people neglected to use common sense while they were on the road.  There would be complaints heard in office buildings throughout the city.  You really wouldn't want to leave your house, choosing instead to seek comfort and warmth...and hiding.  So what are we to do when we face a week when everything seems to be going the wrong way, or life is weighing on us, causing us to trudge through the mud?


Jump in a puddle.


Find a way to embrace joy in the moment.  Do you remember being a child and putting on your boots and raincoat, just to go search out the puddles during a rainstorm?  Do you remember standing outside when it was snowing, trying to catch a snowflake on your tongue?  Are you willing to remember?  What could this look like in our everyday lives?


I want to share with you a nugget of wisdom I have learned over the past year.  It is amazing and can change your life, if you let it...but, man, is it difficult.


Be thankful.


Right there, in the middle of your rainy moment, give thanks for something.  For me, this can look several different ways, depending on the weight of the moment.  Sometimes I simply say, "God, I know I'm supposed to thank you for something right now, but I don't know what I can be thankful for...so thank you that you are there."  Other times, I can be specific:    "Thank you for a family that loves and accepts me."  "Thank you for snow that was unexpected."


Why are these moments of thankfulness so important?  Perspective.  I've mentioned it before, but a change in perspective can mean a change in your world.  I think about the moments when I am not thankful...if I stay in that moment and choose to look in the mirror at myself (whether physically or metaphorically), I almost never see the good in my life...I see the struggle I have with my weight; I see the ways I've failed my friends and family; I see the regrets and the shames of my past.  


I truly believe that our mirrors (both physical and metaphorical) are a true reflection of our perspectives and positions in our own lives.  When I grab on to something for which I am thankful, I return joy to my life.  I step out of the blackness and into the light of truth, which can reveal more than I ever expected.  Being thankful expands not only my field of vision, but it also gives me permission to not focus on myself.  Then, if I happen to see myself in the mirror, I don't stop and stare/wallow.  I don't even stop to judge myself...I am too busy living my life and finding joy.


Are you willing to stop and be thankful in all the moments of your life?

Focus and Perspective

My mom challenged me the other day to pick a theme word for the upcoming year.  Out of a plethora of possibilities, I decided to choose the word FOCUS.  However, in thinking about focus, I realize that I also need to embrace perspective.


So why  FOCUS ? First of all, why not?!  We live in a large world with possibilities and distractions constantly bombarding our senses.  At some point, we need to filter out the excess.  I also want to choose to be clear about where I'm going, what I'm doing, and who I am.  This makes me think of my vision:  When my eyes are tired, I have trouble focusing them and need to wear glasses.  Often, I will experience some double vision, as my eyes try to work together.  To me, this exemplifies the role I need FOCUS to take in my life...I need focus to bring the different working parts of my life into the same line, for a stronger purpose.


I have found that being tired changes my ability to  FOCUS ...or rather, I let it change my ability.  Being true to the path takes attention to detail and energy, which are not always available resources.  I think this is where perspective comes into play.  As a perfectionist, I would rather choose to fail or stop something than to make a mistake.  (At least then it's my choice, and I am still perfect in my choices.)  The irony is that choosing to fail leads me down a different path than I choose to be on, and so I have to embrace perspective.  


For me, embracing perspective gives me the opportunity to step back from the path, even if it's just to pause along the way.  I choose to turn around and look at where I've been and where I'm going.  I don't live in the past or in the future, so moments away from the present allow me to remember why I am where I am today.  It is important for me to recognize that I am not only on my path, but also a path that is going somewhere, doing something...


So what do focus and perspective have to do with seeing yourself differently?  Maybe nothing...but if you're like me, maybe everything.  Like I said earlier, if I am tired, I experience bouts of double vision.  For me, I can experience emotional "double vision" when I fundamentally know something, but I cannot get past thinking of it in a certain way.  For example - without sounding egotistical - I know I am not ugly, but I struggle with seeing myself as anything but unattractive.  In fact, I refuse compliments, challenge others' opinions, and even describe myself negatively.  It was only recently that I stepped back from my view of myself and tried to see what others were talking about...I was so focused on what I was telling myself was the "truth", that I couldn't see what was real.  I had to change perspective, which for me demanded that I stopped defining my own personal beauty as physical.  


The transition was not immediate...but the effects were.  I have had many people stop me to comment that I am "carrying" myself differently now - that I seem different...and I am.  I am allowing myself to not focus inwardly on the negative, but to still maintain focus on the path I'm traveling.  This change in perspective has given me greater focus than I thought possible, because I am able to filter out the negative to define and travel a more narrow path.


So 2012 brings FOCUS into my life.  I am eager to see how and where I travel, knowing that I will be a better me at the end of the year!

A Different Perspective

I am fully convinced that we can be our own worst enemies.  For years, I was so conscious of how I treated other people - always making sure to be nice and gracious, to give compliments and avoid judgments (out loud, at least).  I purposefully worked to make others feel good about themselves.  All the while, I was doing the exact opposite to myself.  In fact, if someone treated me this way, I was immediately suspicious or ignorant of their comments.  Where did this come from?  Why is it so hard to believe good things about ourselves?  Who taught us that taking a compliment is wrong...or conceited?


I recently read some research from Act for Youth about adolescents and self-esteem.  I am wrestling with the information - not because I don't believe that there are self-esteem issues for teens, but because I don't know if I agree with a conclusion they drew:  "Adolescents will feel better about themselves if they experience success in domains they care about and are praised for that success by people they respect."  What defines success?  Is this only done by doing something?  


One often hears the phrase "A woman who wears many hats."  I think this mentality starts at an early age.  In high school, I was my mother's daughter, nana's granddaughter, brother's sister, the athlete, the math nerd, the church girl, etc...Every one of my favorite places gave me a new title/hat, and in each situation, I became a somewhat different person.  Each hat came with different responsibilities, and I defined success as meeting them.  But along with those responsibilities came judgments and comparisons (mostly by me).  So while I was successful, I often felt worthless if I didn't achieve. And I felt lost without a hat on to assign me a certain value. 


What would happen if we threw away all of our hats?  How would we be different if we saw value outside (instead) of success?  What would happen if we were as conscious of being good to ourselves as we are of treating others well?  How would we change if every time we shared a kind word with someone else, we thought a compliment about ourselves?  Would we see ourselves with more value if we took a moment to look at ourselves without the lens of judgment, comparison, or results?


Seeing myself has changed my world...well, rocked my world is more accurate. I am able to appreciate the things I bring to the table and am ok with mistakes I make in the process.  Success doesn't define me because I have already determined that I am valuable.  In contrast, I also see others in a better light, as I am no longer comparing myself.  I don't need them to be a certain person to help define me.  I see who they are for their true person.  It is amazing how my relationships have changed over the past three years; they are so much more healthy and rewarding.


That's been one of the unexpected rewards of seeing myself in a better mirror: Once I saw the difference, I wanted everyone to experience the joy and freedom and weightlessness of expectation and judgment.  I want others to be able to look in the mirror and see their true selves.